I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
