You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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