Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
