Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
