i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
