he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
