I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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