my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you still have your period?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
