Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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