Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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