Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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