this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
