my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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