***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need moral support for this bender
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
