I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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