i need an iv and a liver transplant
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize