Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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