thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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