she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
