I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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