before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if only i could text you this smell
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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