i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
