My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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