forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
