how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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