Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
