Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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