My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I understand Curling. That high.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
