I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
