What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
