Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize