my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
