i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
