I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
