Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
