dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
