the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
