I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
