While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
