Just fell off a train. Bad.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
