so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
