I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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