Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
