Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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