every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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