Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's Friday. Sex?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
