$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My bed smells like the plague
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
