Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
