I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
