the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
