Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
