K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
