just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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