i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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