am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
