Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
