I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
