Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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