I faked an abortion last night.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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