Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
