All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
