Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm at about main and main street
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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