i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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