Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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