Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
