okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
