Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
