Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize