the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boobs speak an international language.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
