It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In the future we'll all be gay
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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