don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
