Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After tacos, we're chasing women.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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