We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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