I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
