suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
