just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
