They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
