hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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