Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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