How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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