he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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