Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
