so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
