the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to have your abortion
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
