Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
