Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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