im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
