you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
