it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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